Kicking Chaos to the Curb

Years ago, I had an acquaintance named Alice who made a big impression on me with one sentence. After explaining that she and her husband were parents to four kids of their own, plus raising the children of their drug-addicted siblings, all in a saltine-sized house, she stated calmly, "I love order, but I've learned to function in chaos."

This past week has felt like quicksand in a lot of ways. I'm having to deal with many things that are out of my control and, despite nearly 40 plus years in self-help groups, lack of control still makes me feel irritable and edgy. Oh, I'm wonderful if you're the one going through chaos; then I can be all sunshine and light, encouragement and reason. But, in the immortal words of Marcia Brady when reminded of her own philosophy about sucking up defeat and trying again, "This is different; this happened to me!"

Like Alice, my "fairy godmother," Anita, who lives down the street and bakes yummy things and utters delicious phrases of warmth and reassurance, is good for what ails me. Tonight, while chatting on the phone with her, I accomplished the mind-numbing job of adding phone numbers for several letters of the alphabet into my new cell phone. Yes, I know, this is a first world problem, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Did I mention I HATE having to redo things, especially after spending hours on the phone with the vendor, who promised it would be a cinch to import everything into the new device? That's one reason I hate the job of dusting (you're never actually finished, it always has to be done again) - but I digress.

Anyway, though she didn't realize I was multi-tasking, I know Anita would have heaped praise on me, had she known. She probably would have beamed and crowed something like the following: "My, that's wonderful! You're making progress! Little by little! Oh, and look at that drawer you cleaned out yesterday. That's one less thing you have to do. By the way, did you notice this corner of the table I cleared today? See, I'm making progress, too!"

That little lady sure knows what's what.

Another friend, Rosemary, upon hearing complaints about how Satan has been upsetting a lot of my plans lately, listened sympathetically before announcing, "That's enough about Satan. Let's talk about what God's doing!" After that loving reminder, she and the rest of our prayer group proceeded to spend the rest of our time reminding ourselves about the power we have as children of God, as opposed to the shenanigans of that wily serpent, who gets what's coming to him in the end anyway.

It's the serenity prayer all over again. We work with what we have, instead of whining about what we don't have.

While my prayer buddies and I were commiserating tonight, the Lord brought to mind another dear friend, Kass, who suffered with multiple sclerosis for decades. I watched her decline, but I also marveled at how she continually used whatever function she had left after each new setback to do for herself and others. For years, she clipped coupons out of the weekly ads and passed them along to me to save both of us money. She hadn't driven for years, but still remembered her way around better than any GPS; she used to delight in suggesting the simplest route I could take for unfamiliar sojourns. She refused to let others do for her what she was still capable of doing for herself.

I am humbled and enriched by having such undaunted people in my life. Gives me courage to take the next few steps on my own bumpy path.

"And in this matter I give my judgment: this benefits you, who a year ago started not only to do this work but also to desire to do it. 

So now finish doing it as well, so that your readiness in desiring it may be matched by your completing it out of what you have. 

For if the readiness is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, 

not according to what he does not have." 

~ 2 Corinthians 8:10-12 ~

God, Grief and Grandbabies

To my beloved grandchildren –

Luca, you have set a fine example for your younger sisters. They have a tough act to follow! Before you were born, I couldn’t imagine loving any grandchild as much as I do you, but, lo and behold, I found out that what I’ve always been told is true: we don’t have to divide our love when new babies come along – somehow, it miraculously multiplies!

Luca, you have a very special middle name. David was your great grandfather Parrish’s name. He would have eaten you up (if his wife, Grandma Barbara, didn’t get to you first, that is)!

Kira and Greer, you came at such a perfect time! Your beautiful mommy has been a real trooper, waiting for you to arrive in this hot, sticky summer. I think she was really ready for you to make your entrance! We were all eager to meet you, and our great God knew He would be taking Grandpa Mike (AKA, “Grandma Mike,” according to your big brother) home to live with Him in heaven. The Lord knew we would need tiny smiles and gentle coos to comfort us. He also knew Luca needed some built in friends to come live with him, so He sent you girls to do the job! I pray the three of you will be good friends, and not let quarrels and disagreements go on too long. Try to remember what your Grandma Parrish told my sisters and me when we were growing up. Whenever we would argue, she always said, “Oh, girls, I want you to love each other!”

All three of you have such wonderful names. Kira, one of your middle names is Michaela, which your mommy and daddy added to honor Grandpa Mike. Greer, your name starts with “G” just like Grandpa Fred’s middle name, George, and the Cameron part of your name was your great grandma Winnie’s maiden name.

By the way, Granddad Parrish was Jewish, and in Jewish tradition, loved ones who pass away are honored by naming new babies after them. So, you see, as part of your Jewish heritage, you all have extra special names which will help us remember family members we miss. They were much loved people, and would be thrilled to share their names with you. Thank you, dear hearts, for bearing those names so beautifully. Your grandparents would be proud.

Speaking of family, all three of you were born into a good one. Oh, don’t get me wrong – there will be lots of hovering and advice giving, but there will also be heaps of praise and encouragement. We take care of our own in the Williams and Hoell families!

Well, you’re all still pretty young, so I should let you get to bed. I think I’ll “tuck you in” with the song your daddy, who is also an amazing man, wrote when we brought Uncle Ethan (AKA, Uncle EZ) home from the hospital. I’m not kidding, your daddy at age five composed these loving lines:

Go to sleep, little Ethan, and you will be alright

Close your eyes, little Ethan, and you will be OK

If the sun doesn’t dawn in your dreams tonight

Be sure to wake me with the sound of your fright

Go to sleep, little Ethan, and you will be alright,

Close your eyes, little Ethan, and you will be OK!

When I sing this to you, I will, of course, substitute your names for Uncle EZ’s, but you get the idea.

Thank you all for the incredible happiness you have given me, even before I met you. I love you all dearly, and eagerly await the moment when I can hold my new little grand girls (and I do mean grand)! In the meantime, I’ll keep snuggling my Luca and give him some extra squeezes for his sisters😊

Oh, one more thing.  These Bible verses from the Old Testament speak of God replacing sorrow with something beautiful and good. Your mommy experienced the pain of giving birth, and we all feel sadness over having lost your grandfathers so young. Having you three to hug and hold helps to transform those sorrows into joy!

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,

Because the Lord has anointed Me

To preach good tidings to the poor;

He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,

To proclaim liberty to the captives,

And the opening of the prison to those who are bound...

2 

To comfort all who mourn,

3 

To console those who mourn in Zion,

To give them beauty for ashes,

The oil of joy for mourning,

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

That they may be called trees of righteousness,

The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

~ Isaiah 61:1-3 ~

God bless you all, my sweethearts, and nitey nite!

Love always,

Mom Mom

Unrepentant Sin

Apologies, readers, for the inconsistent text fonts, which are the result of this starting out as a response on Facebook, then being copied into Word, and finally transferred here. The "travels" were hard on my little post, but hopefully, you will still find it worth the read.

My friend, James Watkins, posted the following on Facebook the other day. Thank you, Jim, for allowing me to springboard from your post to share what God laid on my heart:

"After years of being taught 'follow your heart,' we have a culture of hearts following racism, sexism, nationalism, and narcissism. What we need is regeneration of hearts filled with God’s unconditional love for all." Then he quoted Jeremiah 17:9.

That post really set me to wondering. I went to sleep pondering the whole matter of unrepentant sin, which drives many of the "-isms" Jim cited. Woke up, did some praying, some thinking, and some research. In the final analysis, I couldn't find any ground to stand on that affirms God has changed His mind on this very vital subject. Couldn't find any basis in Scripture for affirming ourselves or our children in sinful behaviors, be they matters of sexuality, disregard of authority, or any other form of self-destruction.

What I did find was lots of evidence of God using parents and His word to correct and steer the next generation down a healthy, God-fearing road. Here are just a few examples:

“Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; therefore, do not despise the chastening of the Almighty” (Job 5:17).

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; for whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights” (Proverbs 3:11-12).

“Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction” (Proverbs 19:18).

“’My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.’ If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.  Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:5-11).

“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore, be zealous and repent” (Rev. 3:19).

And, perhaps most convicting: “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20).

Isaiah punctuated his warning with an exclamation point, something the Bible uses sparingly, suggesting the dire situation one places himself in when he condones that which ought to be lovingly corrected and dismantled. How much more this admonition must apply to parents, to whom Jesus said, “Or, what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:9-11).

This last verse also carries an exclamation point, suggesting the extreme importance of providing healthy guidance to one’s children – “feeding” them, as it were, on life-giving fare, rather than approving a “diet” that will destroy them.

Indulge me for a few more moments, as I relate an extraordinary occurrence that took place yesterday. I was readying myself for the day and had my medicine cabinet open. It so happens that my particular unit is faced with three mirrored panels which each open out (it sounds fancier than it is). I had the door on the left open almost 90 degrees, which gave me a view into the hallway to my right. The reflected hall appeared different from the actual hall, placing a doorknob on the opposite side, for instance, and making the entire runway present as longer than it actually is. A few minutes later, after thinking I had closed the left panel, I realized it was still slightly ajar. This oversight, when combined with the reflection of the center mirror, produced a new distortion, giving my drop ceiling a kaleidoscoped, “fun house” look, and doubling a painting of a turtle that we added to said ceiling for the kids’ amusement during bath time.

In considering these strange misrepresentations of reality, I see a connection with the subject at hand. Parents may mistake their good intentions for God’s best. What may seem like a loving attitude – tolerance for and even approval of behavior which God deems sin – is, in actuality, deceit, and dangerously misleading. When we go along with and condone a child’s missteps, we are no better than the parent who gives his offspring a tooth-shattering stone instead of wholesome bread. We collude in destroying the very people we were put here to nurture.

So, what ought a parent’s loving response be when faced with a child whose decisions are propelling him towards disaster? I know of one loving couple who offered their erring son the choice of following parental rules or finding another place to live. This young man was desperately involved with drugs and the whole lifestyle it takes to maintain such a habit. The parents – for his sake and the sake of his younger siblings, who were looking on to see how Mom and Dad would respond to their brother’s rebellion – brokenheartedly insisted their son leave when he refused to make efforts to change.

The troubled fellow ended up on the street. From time to time, he contacted his parents, whose hearts he knew remained open, even as the door to their home stayed closed until he changed course. The parents welcomed the opportunity to meet with their son in neutral places like restaurants, where they happily picked up the tab to feed their child, whose body was now ravaged with malnourishment. Each time, they assured him of their ongoing love, while reiterating the boundaries they had established. Tears were shed – lots of them. But these wise parents knew there would be more and bitterer tears if they didn’t hold to the Rock-solid principles the Bible defines as love.

That, folks, is called tough love. It’s not only tough on the target, but achingly tough on the provider of such love. This type of love affirms God’s tried and true plan for success, rather than affirming shifting cultural values. It affirms and elevates the truth of Scripture over an individual’s perceived “truth” for his or her life. In short, it calls for conformity with what God calls right, and requires repentance over what He repudiates. It diminishes “following one’s heart” to its rightful place, replacing that flawed concept with following the Creator’s heart. 

There's no safer place to land than in the camp of the Redeemer.