Crookedness

"Consider the work of God: who can make straight what He has made crooked? 

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: 

God has made the one as well as the other..."

Ecclesiastes 7:13-14

My life of late has been full of adventures.

In my last post, I related how I had to be rescued after accidentally locking myself out of the car. Subsequently, I misplaced a small amount of money which had been entrusted to me to buy gifts for some elderly friends. Embarrassed, I decided to replace the funds, but also felt the need to confess my carelessness to the giver.

Just as I was in the process of admitting my mistake, I rummaged around one more time in the drawer I recalled placing the money in. Voila! There lay the cash, in the same spot I had scoured several times already.

On the heels of the money mishap, my bedroom air conditioner went on the fritz. The misbehaving unit managed to limp along for several days while a new one meandered its way through the mail system, but it let me know it wasn't happy by alternately emitting sounds mimicking machine gun fire and an all-out death rattle.

What do lockouts, misplaced money and dying appliances have in common? They're all "crooked" areas of life. Stuff that doesn't go right or perform as expected. Equipment, events and relationships go amiss because we live in a fallen world. It stands to reason that things will break down in such a flawed system; what's less obvious is how to navigate the crooked, broken paths we're often forced to tread. 

I propose that prayer, surrender and SOMETIMES action are key to straightening out life's messes. Prayer is paramount before, during and after life throws us curve balls. Somewhere I heard the assertion that believers are always dealing with a trial, about to face a trial, or just coming out of one. That being the case, prayer would seem the sensible course before, during and after trouble strikes.

Prayer may or may not lead to action. To coin another phrase (this one from Al Anon), "Don't just do something; sit there!" There are times to just "be still and know that [He is] God" (Psalm 46:10). While it's true that misguided action can lead to downfall, it's equally true that ill-advised inaction is nothing short of stagnation. Just as stagnant water is unhealthy, so stasis in the midst of solvable problems can be deadly. God won't bless His children when they let fear or lethargy immobilize them in a swamp of avoidance instead of climbing out at His command.  

Take my air conditioner problem. The only thing standing between me and a cool, comfortable bedroom was the almighty dollar. What my reader may not know is that parting with money for me can be a bit like severing a toe: it hurts a lot and tends to throw me off balance. Fortunately, our great God knows me well and anticipated the tug-of-war I would have with my bank account. He saw fit to provide another believer with a decent sized gift card to Home Depot, which she generously gifted to yours truly, on the very day my AC started gasping and wheezing.

It's worth noting that the business of ordering the new unit took place on a day that was approaching 100 degrees. The following days while I awaited delivery were substantially cooler, enabling me to remain in my room (which, rightly or wrongly, doubles as my office) without suffocating. Furthermore, the eagerly anticipated window unit arrived much earlier than promised and is now installed (thanks to my dear son, Ethan), making my work area a haven of delight. 

Only the Lord...  

As if that weren't enough, He really poured on the blessings in terms of saving money (scan back a few paragraphs, where I describe the battle of wills between me and my wallet). Between the gift card, price matching and a coupon, I managed to knock a big chunk off the retail price. I felt like God was rewarding me for not agonizing over the purchase, but at the same time, seeking the best deal possible. Good stewardship meets letting go!

My other "high finance" situation, the case of the misplaced money for the elderly, similarly required action. I had to do my part of giving over the situation to the Lord, AND be willing to make good, AND be willing to 'fess up to it BEFORE God would make straight that which I had made crooked. By the way, ironically, the giver of the Home Depot card was the same person who provided the money for our older friends. Clearly, this is not someone for whom forking over cash is like losing an appendage. I could learn a thing or two from this dear saint!

In the previous scenarios, I needed to surrender to the situation and also do something about it. However, surrender is equally crucial when there isn't any real action we can take other than to accept what God hands us. Fighting against unfixable problems just wastes energy that's vital to coping with them - as fruitless and often as painful as Saul's kicking against the goads. 

In summary, our great Shepherd never met a crooked path He couldn't straighten - but His sheep often seek out many alternate routes before settling into His best for us.

May that not be said of this sheep!

I Am Solomon

The Problem

King David’s son, Solomon, was both the richest and poorest king who ever walked the earth. He possessed both the wisest and most foolish head to ever wear the crown. He experienced greater pleasure and deeper despondency than any sovereign before or since his time.

I am Solomon.

Like this fortunate king, I enjoy various trappings of success, and have been richly blessed with numerous mountaintop experiences. I've raised two sons who are functioning well and responsibly. I graduated college in high standing, have held an array of responsible jobs, and enjoy respect and praise from many colleagues. I'm also a published author.

And like Solomon, I'm struggling to keep myself centered emotionally and spiritually. At times I find it difficult to lovingly detach from hard issues that friends and family are experiencing. I allow myself to become overloaded by my own problems and those of this sin-sick world. Empathy is one thing; being bogged down and immobilized is quite another. The easiest (and default) way for me to cope with obstacles that seem Herculean is  – you guessed it –to resort to my idols of food, sleep and entertainment.

The Danger Zone

One need only read a few verses of Solomon’s Book of Ecclesiastes to realize he was in a bad way. Although he displayed great patience and perseverance – not to mention humility – in constructing his kingdom, his disobedience in later life caused consequences which remain to this day.

Thus, we find, despite myriad achievements and blessings, he fell prey to great depression in later years. The words “vanity” and “grasping for the wind” appear repeatedly in the 12 chapters of Ecclesiastes; I stopped counting after finding 20 references in the first four chapters alone! Over and over, the king identified his greatest joys and accomplishments as vain, or futile.

I submit that the reason Solomon’s world view and reign veered off course can be traced back to two little words in 1 Kings 11: but (v.1) and therefore (v.11).

He pretty much had the world by the tail, but he allowed unbelieving wives and concubines to get inside his head and into his bed. Therefore, like many a smitten lover, wisdom notwithstanding, he subrogated his priorities to please the object(s) of his affections. The result? Idol worship, disillusionment, and disaster.

My idols may not be made of wood and stone or even flesh and blood. Mine prattle at me from TV screens and beckon from the kitchen.

How do your idols ambush you?

The Conviction ... and the Cliffhanger

The way I figure it, if the wisest, richest, most powerful king the world has ever known could get himself into so much trouble that within a generation of his death, his mighty kingdom would be reduced to one-twelfth of its size, perhaps I’m not immune to the but-therefore phenomenon, either. My epitaph might read something like this:

"Thea had a lot of writing talent and loved the Lord deeply, but she loved food and leisure a bit more than her God. Therefore, she wasted much time catching z’s and gorging, to the point where she became a diabetic heart patient, and had little time or energy left for living, let alone exercising the gifts God bestowed upon her."

Heaven forbid!

Therefore, as of this moment, I’m taking back my mental and physical health and kicking Satan to the curb (with the giant boots of almighty God, not my own flimsy footwear). Stay tuned for my next post, in which I’ll explain a major decision I’ve made which I believe will help me stay accountable with my time, and fulfill one of God’s major purposes for me.

Obstacles vs. Treasure

I keep bumping up against walls. Not figurative ones, either. These are real, honest-to-goodness, car-scratching walls that might just as well be made of concrete, instead of the "powdery" (yeah, right) snow they're really composed of.

By now we're all sick of winter. My wonderful neighbor is doing all he can to lighten the load for everyone, chugging up the street with his snow blower, leaving straight paths on pavements and smiles on faces. He is a true godsend, especially for the elderly and ill who can't do it for themselves.

What I can't figure out is, how come I keep making the same mistake over and over again? I try to ease my car in and out of the driveway carefully, striving to avoid the granite-like walls of heaped up snow on either side. Invariably, though, I miscalculate, or there's a giant Hummer parallel parked just where I need to be cutting my wheel, blocking my otherwise perfect escape route. I can't wait to see the nicks in the paint when all the salt finally washes off.

It's the way of nature. What appears beautiful and harmless at first glance often morphs into something with jagged edges when overindulged in. Most of us marvel at the softly falling snow, especially when its descent is framed by lacy window treatments alongside a roaring fire. But - on the day after (sometimes only hours later) - it creates problems that have to be dealt with laboriously and at great expense.

Sin is like that. It always looks enticing. It promises everything and usually delivers a payoff, however temporary. There's got to be something in it for us, or we wouldn't keep falling for it. It may appeal to one of our five senses, or some intangible need that no one and nothing else seems to be meeting. We turn a blind eye to - or don't even foresee - the perils, and advance full speed ahead. The next thing we know, we're walking around with indelible scars, wondering how we missed the turn trajectory yet again.

The only solution I've found (and I by no means always win over wayward impulses) is to walk arm in arm with the Almighty. I measure progress by frequency and duration of obedience. I look for an inverse relationship between time spent with Jesus and time spent on sin. It's that simple (and that complex). When I'm enjoying "down time" (such as snow days stacked up like ice blocks in an igloo), am I banking time with Jesus to draw on when my schedule gets frantic again? Does a hectic life pace mean I must rely only on past "savings"? Of course not! Even small deposits of prayer and Bible study, proportionate to daily demands, can add up to big earnings in the long run.

My mom used to say, "Pay yourself first." What she meant, of course, was that any paycheck, regardless of size, could spare even a tiny amount to be put into savings. My parents were neither rich nor savvy investors, yet they died with more than a small nest egg that helped their offspring pay off mortgages and send kids to college.

If this basic principle can make such a huge difference in the temporal world of finance, how much more can we expect when applied to the heavenly realm?

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 
Matthew 6:19-21

Bereft or Blessed?

Those are the emotions I'm swinging between now.

Our canine house guest, Tripp, just departed. Gone are the comfy pillows he snuggled on while I typed and he napped. Gone is the baby gate that was supposed to keep him out of the construction area of my house (it worked 75% of the time, but that story will have to wait for another post). Gone are his food bowls and the pleading look that materialized whenever they were empty.

I know I need to count my blessings when I get into a funk like this, and there are plenty of them. Opening a prayer guide packet this morning, I came upon Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Ephesians 3:20, one of my all-time favorites, followed: "Now [God] is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us..." Finally, Philippians 4:19 leaped out at me: "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."

Still, I feel bereft.

I gave a talk at my Al Anon meeting last night about the ways God has provided for me over the years. I recalled the anonymous monetary gifts my husband and I received when he was in medical school. I described taking a blind leap of faith by leaving a job without having a new one lined up. My then-toddler son was accompanying me to my part-time job at a day care center, which helped with expenses while Mike was earning his medical degree. My little boy began acting out in order to divert my attention from the other dozen kids I had to manage. When my request for him to be placed in a separate class was denied, I regretfully left the position. A week later, the director begged me to return in a substitute capacity, where I was given more hours and, lo and behold, a separate class for my son!

Next, I recounted the financial terror I felt when leaving my husband, then finding just enough money in our joint savings account to pay my son's school tuition in advance. I looked back on my first job after becoming a single parent: how God used my sister to find the perfect work-at-home position that would allow me to care for my children; how I really shouldn't have gotten it because, in despair over my marital situation, I had to cancel the interview, thinking I'd never hear from the employer again. Miraculously, he still wanted to hire me, and we worked together for five years, just long enough for me to get my younger son into school so I could begin a full-time position with benefits. I recalled having a flexible weekend job drop into my lap, providing just enough money for the orthodontia my older son badly needed. I related God's most recent resourcefulness in having me stumble across a cache of jewelry and coins left over from my parents' estate, which has brought in much needed funds for an essential home renovation project.

And these are just the highlights! I've shared in the past how my parents and sisters have been an incredible source of blessing and support to my children and me. I might not even have a decent place to live or the wherewithal to fix it up, were it not for the exorbitant generosity of my family of origin.

Yet, somehow my mind keeps getting trapped in anxiety. As the bills for the kitchen project come due, my savings are taking a hit (the second major one after I had to replace my car two years ago). I'm questioning some past monetary decisions which I hoped would please the Lord, yet seem to have come back to bite me.

I don't want to go backwards. When I opened my talk last night, I remembered being driven by great financial worry as a young adult. For example, I used to buy huge quantities of sale items at the grocery store. Only later did I realize my behavior was rooted in the irrational fear that those things might never be on sale again. I didn't want to miss out or be caught short! I fretted over recreational spending in the same way I fretted over recreation itself when I was in college; somehow I must have thought every dime and every minute needed to be reserved for life's necessities, as opposed to its niceties. Balance lost out to business every time.

I don't want to go backwards. If I'm to avoid it, I must focus on the fact that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and (as evidenced by the steaks in my refrigerator), He's only too happy to share them with me.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." ~ Psalm 42:11