Belabored Chapter 35: Tom

“I testify that there is good and right and wrong on both sides of the fence. And even more shocking – we have far more in common with the ‘other’ side than we might imagine… 

I was loved form one side onto the other.” 

– Abby Johnson on her conversion from director of a Planned Parenthood clinic to pro-life activist

“Tom, what’re you, crazy!” Emma shrieks at me. “This is getting dangerous! We gotta get our kids out of here!”

I come to my senses.

“Of course. You’re right.”

I help my wife pack up the children and walk them to the car.

“Thank God,” Emma breathes. The baby is still unhappy, but his bawling has reduced itself to more tolerable moaning, which can easily be corrected now that a diaper change is on the way.

“I’ve gotta go back,” I announce.

Emma eyes me with disbelief.

“You’re kidding, right?”

There’s no time to explain, even if I understood why myself, which I don’t. It’s just a gut feeling that I have something to add to the mayhem. Something good.

“I’ll see you at home.”

“Tom, why are you trying to be a hero?! This is crazy! Things are getting wild over there! Besides, we only brought the one car!”

“Emma, I have to go back there. You can pick me up later. Or I’ll grab an Uber.”

I raise my voice to silence the objections she’s starting to utter.

“Please, Emma. Just take the kids home. I’ll be OK.”

Before she can continue, and over the pleas of my older boy who cringes at arguments, I return to the fray. I size up the situation, as I’ve learned to do quickly when a classroom brawl breaks out. Over on the other side of the square, the priest appears to be holding his own with the angry couple. Over here, where I am, a large woman in a fleece jacket is arguing with Sarah, the music lady.

 “Don’t you see, when you bring your trashy music here while we’re trying to pray, it’s like you’re dancing on the graves of the thousands of babies this place has killed? This place takes the womb, which is supposed to be the safest place anywhere, and turns it into a tomb!”

The pro-choicer is having none of it.

“First of all, I happen to like my music, and don’t appreciate you calling it trashy. The cops have been called more than once, and I’ve been assured I’m not breaking any noise ordinances. If your group has freedom of speech to pray out loud, I have the same right to play music at a reasonable volume. Secondly, think before you call this a graveyard. This is a medical facility that provides much more than abortion services. My gynecologists are here, serving me and other low-income women. This place saves lives.”

The pro-lifer must have decided to take Sarah’s music off the table and focus on the bigger issue.

“Well, what do you call it when they go into a woman’s womb and dismember her living child? They usually go in blindly because many abortionists don’t use ultrasound to locate the baby inside. No, they’re just hoping they can find their ‘target,’ which is the baby they’re trying to destroy!”

I wonder if I should step in and try to bring a more level tone to this discussion. I agree with plaid jacket lady, and she just made a good point, but her tone is so strident. If she could hear herself, she might reconsider her approach. While I’m pondering this, Sarah starts with the “glob of tissue” argument.

“We are not talking about a child. We’re talking about a mass of tissue which is not yet living. We’re talking about –”

“Well, let me tell you something, young lady,” the older woman cuts her off. Then, as if reading my mind, plaid jacket lady tries a different tack.

“No, I’d rather call you by name, you deserve that respect. It’s Sarah, isn’t it?”

The music lady lets loose an exasperated sigh.

“Yes. Fine. It’s Sarah.”

“Thank you, Sarah. I’m Helen, and I started out pro-choice. I actually worked in a clinic like this one for several years. I believed the same things you believe, that I was doing good for society. I believed them when they told me their main concern was to prevent unwanted pregnancy and disease, that they wanted abortion to be ‘safe, legal and rare.’

“‘Safe, legal and rare!’ That’s the rallying cry of abortion providers. You know what I found out? Convenient Conception claims only three per cent of their services are abortions, but do you know what that translates to? When you add their numbers to the numbers of their other branch clinics country-wide, you find they’re doing well over 300,000 a year! Sarah, do you realize almost 60 million babies have been aborted in this country since Roe v. Wade?”

Undaunted, Sarah replies, “Helen, I appreciate those statistics, but children need to be loved if they’re gonna be brought into this world! Society can’t afford to care for all the unwanted children that are being born every year. And if you’re gonna talk statistics, how ’bout the fact that over 700,000 kids are abused every year in this country by their own parents! That’s more than twice the number of abortions you just mentioned. Can you imagine how much higher those numbers would be if we didn’t have safe, legal abortions? Wouldn’t you rather see a fetus painlessly removed from a uterus than let it be born into a life of abuse or poverty?”

Helen sighs.

“If only it were painless,” she laments. “Have you heard of Abby Johnson? She was a director at a Planned Parenthood clinic. Defended the pro-choice cause for years. She had to assist in an abortion one day. On this particular occasion, the doctor was using ultrasound to see what he was doing. For the first time, she got to see with her own eyes what was actually being done. She watched that baby flinch and try to move away when the probe touched him. She saw those body parts being sucked out. They’re called ‘products of conception,’ in the industry – I’ve heard Abby speak, and she said they nicknamed them ‘pieces of children,’ which is more accurate. She says she’s seen those body parts get sealed up in plastic bags, then incinerated. Burned up! That’s what the Nazis did after they killed Jews! Just burned them up like trash. Didn’t give them a funeral ’cause they considered them sub-human.”

I try to disengage from the ultra-agitated tone Helen’s still using and focus in on the facts she’s sharing, because what she’s saying really is shocking. I always knew abortion was murder, but I had no idea how cold-hearted the abortion industry could be. I look to Sarah, to see if Helen’s making any headway. Sarah’s still tapping her foot to the tune blaring from her phone. I guess that’s my answer.

“You watch the news, Sarah, don’t you? Now we’re learning it’s not bad enough they get thrown away like trash, now sometimes those little body parts are being sold, like as if they were baseball cards or, I don’t know, French fries. Just a cheap commodity to be bought and sold, consumed for somebody else’s purposes. Don’t you see how wrong this is, Sarah? How can you be a part of it?”

“Just a minute. I’m not part of it, but I do support a woman’s right to choose. And yeah, I saw those videos that supposedly prove clinics are selling tissue. First of all, they were taken out of context. Remember, there’s a huge need for medical research, stem cells, things like that. Wouldn’t you rather they made use of that tissue instead of just discarding it? For God’s sake, my own mother donated her body to medical science when she died so she’d have a purpose, maybe help others by her death. Surely you can’t find anything wrong with that.”

“Yes, but Sarah, you said it yourself. She donated her body to science. She made a choice to share her organs that way. What choice do little unborn babies have? Besides, no one was making a profit from your mother’s sacrifice. In fact, from what I understand, donating to medical science actually costs the family money. Do I have that right?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It was a long time ago. I’d have to ask my father, and I’m not going there with him. It was bad enough when we got her remains back after two years – oh, never mind, that’s a whole ’nother subject. The point is, we’re talking about utilizing tissue for scientific research. Now, that’s a worthy cause. You can’t dispute that.”

I stick a piece of gum in my mouth. I’m beginning to feel a bit weird standing here not saying anything, but I’m also starting to realize how little I actually know about this whole issue. I vaguely recall hearing about Convenient Conception abortionists haggling over the price of fetal body parts when they didn’t realize they were being filmed by some brave undercover reporter. But what I remember wouldn’t even fit on this gum wrapper.

“I’m not disagreeing with the cause, just the means and the motivation,” Helen responds. “No one disagrees that we need to learn how the human body works and be able to harvest things for transplants. I carry an organ donor card myself, Sarah. The issue is how and why is this being done? It’s being done on the backs of helpless infants and uninformed moms who don’t realize what they’re getting themselves into. I’ve talked to some of them. And to some of their partners, the dads of these babies.

“Here’s the thing, Sarah. After I realized what was really going on, I couldn’t work at that abortion mill anymore. I got out and now I volunteer for a crisis pregnancy center, and I hear stories you wouldn’t believe. A lot of people can’t forgive themselves for taking the lives of their babies. It’s literally wrecking their lives. And the relationships between couples take a terrible beating. Understandably. They’ve ended the life of their child, and paid dearly in dollars and regret. After that, many of them can’t live with themselves or each other! I personally know two married couples who aborted a child because ‘it wasn’t the right timing.’ They both ended up divorced, and they’ve both expressed horrific guilt that ruined their marriages.”

Sarah sighs and rolls her eyes.

“Sarah, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be dramatic. But you see, this is why I feel so strongly about this subject. I see the effects on the parents, not to mention what’s being done to the babies. These poor children aren’t choosing to participate in medical research like your mother did, bless her heart – what a lovely thing to do. They’re being victimized. The other thing that’s different is, your mother got to die a natural death and then have her organs harvested –”

“No, I didn’t say her organs were harvested. I said she gave her body for research, so medical students could study the human body. Oh, never mind, I’m getting upset talking about this. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, too, Sarah. I apologize for getting that wrong.”

“It’s fine. Can we just get off this topic?”

“Can I say just one more thing, or will that be too upsetting for you?”

Sarah shrugs.

“Fine, but then let’s drop it. Please.”

“No problem. I said my concern was the means and the motivation. We’ve already talked about the means. Helpless, innocent children and, in many cases, naïve parents who, if they had a chance to see their baby on ultrasound before making their final decision, I guarantee you, many of them would change their minds. That’s the means. Now, what’s the motivation? If this were being done altruistically, with no cost attached, that might be one thing. But it’s not. We’ve seen the footage. These places are making money off of killing these poor kids. Who’s getting compensated? Not the babies, obviously. Not their parents, no, they’re paying dearly for their legal right to end their child’s life, and perhaps ruining their own. No, it’s the providers who are making money. And, Sarah, please don’t believe it when you hear they want to keep abortion ‘safe, legal and rare.’ If that were the case, Abby Johnson wouldn’t have gotten up in arms when her higher ups told her she had to increase her abortion numbers. It’s a fact. She writes about it in her book.”

“Yes, I’ve he­ard of it. She wrote about how she had a good career and was well treated by Planned Parenthood, then one day just up and quit. Left everybody in the lurch, then started trash talking the organization she made a living off of for I don’t know how many years. She’s a real fine character, that one.”

“Well, I don’t know her personally, but I do know they tried to take her to court and lost. That should tell you something. In any case, she claims in her book that when funds got tight, the clinic directors were told to increase their volume of abortions. Even though they promised her when she came on board that their mission was to make birth control available so there would be fewer abortions. When Abby pointed that out, she got in trouble. Got a formal reprimand, I think. What does that tell you?”

Sarah’s not buying it.

“It tells me I don’t know the whole story and shouldn’t make a judgment about somebody else’s work life.”

“Fair enough. But the bottom line is, they wanted her to start pushing the abortion option in her clinic and she wouldn’t do it. Because she believed in their purpose to reduce unwanted pregnancy, but now they were asking her to increase her clinic’s death rate so they could make money! Doesn’t that seem to go along with what we’re finding out about the sale of body parts?”

Sarah rallies.

“Well, what would you suggest? Adoption is available, but I don’t see people like you lining up to take in any of the 700,000 kids who get beaten up in their homes every year. Or am I wrong about that? Are you offering to step up and adopt some of the desperate kids being passed around in foster care because their parents beat the crap out of them? Or because they’re deformed or disabled and nobody wants them?”

I shudder at that last statement. Too close to home?

Sarah pauses, waiting for a response. Helen, caught off guard, is rendered momentarily speechless. Sarah presses her advantage.

“I didn’t think so. Well, maybe when the religious right starts coming up with homes and money for abused and unwanted children, instead of inflicting its patriarchal value system on women, maybe then I’ll think about changing camps.”

I wish desperately that I could think of some way to extricate Helen from the wall Sarah’s backed her up against, but I’ve got nothing. Fortunately, Helen finds her voice.

“Well, Sarah, just because I’m not in a position to adopt doesn’t make it a bad option. From what I understand, many couples want to adopt, but it’s a very costly and difficult process. Not everyone gets approved, for instance. And also –”

“You know, Helen, I’m glad you brought that up. There’s a lot of gay couples who want to adopt, but some religious agencies would rather go out of business than place a child with them. What do you say to that?”

Sarah pauses, then looks her opponent right in the eye. Helen looks away.

“Sarah, this is a touchy subject,” she begins.

“You bet it is!” Sarah retorts. “My brother’s gay, and one day he may want to adopt one of the kids we’ve been talking about, and people like you will turn him down on one hand, and condemn abortionists on the other.”

While witnessing this exchange, I marvel at the intelligence of both women. Coming from completely opposite positions, each has managed to hold her own and behave civilly, no thanks to yours truly, who’s doing about as much good as a broken umbrella in a hurricane. It’s exactly the sort of debate I’d give an “A” to in my government class. I do wish, though, that Helen was more prepared for Sarah’s reference to the gay rights issue. Now that same sex marriage is legal, we’re going to see more gay couples looking to adopt. I’m not an expert on this subject, but the questions my students throw at me force me to be at least cursorily aware of current events. The articles I’ve read suggest same sex parenting isn’t an optimal environment for raising kids. In fact, when a Louisiana court considered the case for gay marriage before it became law of the land, four adults raised by gay parents testified that their upbringings were hugely dysfunctional.*

But the sticky question remains: if a decision is to be made between aborting a child or placing it for adoption with gay parents, on which side should we as a society err?

Helen stands wordlessly, apparently taking great interest in a candy wrapper someone tossed into the gutter. Sarah holds her ground.

“And while we’re on the subject of unfairness, suppose a woman’s been raped? Or worse – suppose a young girl’s the victim of incest. Some low-life father or uncle robs the poor kid of her innocence, and now you want to force her to carry that baby to term? You’re not even gonna make an exception for that?”

“Y’know, I’m glad you brought that up, Sarah,” Helen responds, clearly relieved to get away from the subject of gay adoption. “I’ve done some reading on that subject. I struggle with that same question because you’re right, it doesn’t seem fair. Here’s what I’ve learned. In cases of incest, when a young girl gets pregnant after having been molested by a family member, often she wants to keep the child. She’s been horribly mistreated and is somewhat comforted by the thought of having someone of her own to love and be loved by. Oftentimes, it’s the abuser – and sometimes, shamefully, the girl’s own mother, to whom she may have confided the abuse – who insist on an abortion, so no one will know what’s been going on. That goes directly against what the victim wants, because she knows her pregnancy will expose what’s been happening to her. See, Sarah? The abortion is actually a second victimization, forced on her by those who don’t want the truth to come out.”

“Well, what about other rape victims? You’re going to impose a nine-month sentence on them for a violent crime they’d like to move on from? Hardly seems fair.”

“What isn’t fair, Sarah, is inflicting a lifetime of regret on someone who was already victimized. The reading I’ve done suggests that many rape victims feel almost secondarily raped when they undergo an abortion. The first crime they had no say over; a man brutally invaded their bodies. But when they allow an abortionist to invade them a second time, they have no one to blame but themselves. Studies show these women have physical and psychological effects – PTSD, pretty much – that plague them years after they would have delivered the rapist’s child.

“Is it fair to have to give birth to an unplanned child conceived through violence? Perhaps not. Is it hard? You bet. But many women who’ve been in this position say they’re glad they chose to continue their pregnancy, whether they decided to parent their child or seek an adoptive family. Others express huge regret after choosing abortion.”

Sarah looks ready to open her mouth, but gets beaten to the punch by an older woman who jumps into the conversation. She appears to be in her 60’s, with hair that looks like it wants to turn white, but got stuck in the same in-between shade my mother ended up with. Mom refers disparagingly to her undecided hair color as “iron gray.”

“Excuse me, ladies,” the third woman begins. “Would you mind if I added my two cents?”

*The testimony Tom is referencing is detailed in http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2015/jan/8/gay-couples-children-oppose-same-sex-marriage-tell/ and http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/lauretta-brown/adults-raised-gay-couples-speak-out-against-gay-marriage-federal-court.