The Shame Game

I've never been one to bleed all over the Internet, and don't want to start now. Still, it seems disingenuous to write a blog based on personal experiences without injecting some degree of transparency. That said, I've been having some tough days. Not feeling comfortable in my own skin. Magnifying mistakes, having to really work to remember my successes and good points. In short, beating myself up mentally. I hate days like this, where I feel everything I'm doing is wrong, like no one's buying what I'm selling. That old shame game just can't wait to get going.

It's up to me to send it packing.

This is not how God would have me act towards myself. At times I am too hard on others, so is it any wonder that I should shift the laser beam homeward when I fail to live up to my own expectations? And vice versa; it stands to reason, if I work on being kinder to myself, doesn't it follow that I'll be gentler with others?

I am a child of God, and God DOESN'T MAKE JUNK! This statement may not be original, but it sure is true. No one can make me feel unworthy without my permission, and I withhold permission!

To borrow an expression from my support group, "Act as if..."
"Act as if you're feeling OK, even though you feel rotten."
"Act as if you're competent, even though your mind is telling you otherwise."
"Act as if you believe in yourself, no matter how ill at ease you feel."

"Fake it till you make it" is another slogan from the same program, and has similar meaning.

One of the toughest parts for me is finding the truth in criticism. Sifting through the hurt and feelings of worthlessness that  suck me down like a whirlwind when I perceive someone else is displeased with me. I'm practicing the art of correcting mistakes without falling prey to self-deprecation. Recognizing areas I could improve upon without whipping myself for not doing them in the first place.

In other words, allowing myself to bloom without despising the inevitable weeds.

"... you are HIGHLY esteemed..." ~ Daniel 9:23b