Jealousy

If it's not a dirty word, it ought to be. When I was a young girl, I vividly remember the emerald-eyed monster invading my psyche. When Scott dated Denise instead of Thea, that was a national disaster. When Bob glued himself to Debby's hip, there was another tragedy. And when Marc invited everyone (so it seemed) to his party except Thea, well, that was just devastating.

I did, however, survive. In fact, I thrived. I graduated high school and college with honors. I raised two amazing children who make me proud every day. I have a career that gives me great satisfaction because I'm contributing something important to society.

So why do I feel green, scaly claws gripping me around the throat after all these successes?

John D. Rockefeller was once asked how much money would be enough. His answer: "Just a little bit more."

I'm interpreting his comment to address more than the accumulation of wealth. I take it to mean, despite all his material blessings, there was still some sort of emptiness that he mistakenly believed more money could fill. Despite the fact that the oil tycoon held a strong faith in Christ, apparently he was only human. So I guess that puts me in excellent (or at least expensive) company.

The thing that's eating me is my lack of progress in being published. I hear of others getting book contracts and winning awards, and it pretty much galls me. Seriously. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I'm feeling somewhat like it's a lost cause. Like I'll never master the social media game that seems to be a must in this business. That I can't "do" marketing, which is another prerequisite for publication. And let's not even talk about building a website or affording someone who does.

Like Moses, I'm caught up in the reasons why I can't do something that God has called me to do. I seem to be forgetting that He's already lined up the Aaron's to assist with the goals He's mapped out for me. He's not expecting me to be a one-woman show. He's got the staff, timetable and, oh, yes, budget all nailed down.

So why do I doubt? And why do I feel angst when others succeed before I do? Isn't that the natural order of things? Somebody has to be first, but that doesn't mean there isn't room at the end of the line for a late up-and-comer.

I'm actually helping myself fail by procrastinating. I have a book proposal to write, and I need to get busy and write it. As the saying goes, it isn't going to write itself. I need to spruce up my novel with a few ideas that have been nagging at me. I need to take responsibility for that which I can do, instead of negatively comparing my place on the authorship continuum with someone else's.

And I need to TRUST that the One who commissioned me is still in the business of making miracles happen. Even for girls who don't "do" marketing and Instagram.

Dump Cake ...

... is an easy, delectable dessert made up of layered ingredients, each yummy in its own right, which when combined, make for a sensory splurge rivaled only by little wonders like Mount Rushmore and the Grand Canyon.

Fear not. The above will be the only mention of confections, so you won't have to go scurrying into the kitchen to break any dieting endeavors. I use it only as a metaphor for the varied morsels I plan to serve up in this post. I've been away from blogging for a few weeks, concentrating instead on a book proposal for my "firstborn," a collection of essays entitled Unleashed: Reflections of a Dog Walker. In the interim, God has been hurling little idea pellets my way, any of which could warrant its own article. Since I don't have time for that at the moment, I'm going to fling them all your way and hope together they form a tasty treat worthy of the read.

Tasty Treat #1: Turtle Soup

"Pray without ceasing..." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

"Be prepared in season and out of season... 

 2 Timothy 4:2

If there were a tortoise and hare competition, I would definitely be rooting for the former. I'm one of those annoying people who gets wet in the pool one fingernail at a time, complaining all the while about the frigidity of the water. When at long last I'm immersed, I'm immediately ready to jump ship, head for shore, and snuggle in my beach towel.

While this spectacle may be amusing at the swim club, it's a hindrance in other aspects of life wherein one is called upon for swift, sustained action. When we have the luxury of time to make a decision, it is appropriate to proceed cautiously and prayerfully. Sometimes, though, life comes at us fast and furious, and we have to draw on a bank of prayer which we have amassed preemptively to make a split second decision. It is at those times we have to shrug off the turtle in us and make room for the hare.

Tasty Treat #2: Facebook Fricassee

"We will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word." Acts 6:4

"Without ceasing, I make mention of you always in 

my prayers ..." Romans 1:9

Facebook is nothing if not a great time waster. I've emerged dazed and disgusted with myself more than once when I realize I've just thrown away an hour of my life scanning meaningless status updates about what someone on the other side of town cooked for dinner. Meanwhile, my own pots and pans remain silent as I sit glued to an electronic social life that is anything but.

On occasion, though, I get it right. These are the times I respond to someone's cry for prayer, right then and there. Anyone can promise to pray, but how likely are we to remember after we move immediately on to the next person's new profile pics and shared files? How much better to heed the following suggestion:

"Let us pray, let us pray, everywhere and every way

Every moment of the day it is the right time

For the father above, He is listening with love

And He wants to answer us, so let us pray"

~ "Let Us Pray" by Stephen Curtis Chapman

I find it expedient to drop everything and utter a prayer right over the air waves, so to speak. If, as we proclaim, we are not ashamed of the gospel and of being ministers of that gospel, why not type an actual prayer in response to someone's request for it?

Along the same lines, I was shocked to realize the other day how many times I laid aside time with God to check my phone. Either I received a text or thought of one I simply had to send immediately, before the impulse left me. When all was said and done, I had interrupted my business meeting with God no less than a dozen times to attend to fleeting earthly business. Imagine how ridiculous I would look if I reversed the dynamic and told my employer I needed time out from my job every time I felt the inclination to pray or encourage a believer. I'd be job hunting in a heartbeat! Yet, I thought nothing of putting God on hold so I could foster earthly relationships. With His help, I aim to improve in this area.

That's all for today, readers. I hope my musings are not too scattered or diverse for you. I suspect your palates are eclectic and can handle the buffet I laid out in this somewhat random fashion, knowing I tried to offer savory samples that would both nourish and satisfy.

Complete the Work!

"And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not only to be doing what you began and were desiring to do a year ago; but now you also must complete the doing of it; that as there was a readiness to desire it, so there also may be a completion out of what you have. For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have." 

2 Corinthians 8:10-12

I came across this passage recently as I was preparing for an upcoming writers' conference. Paul's words spoke to me when I first read them, and they're speaking to me now. I've made a lot of progress in getting ready for the event and could even say I'm at a stopping point, if I want to be. However, since I still have over a week, why not use the time to the maximum so as to have the widest net to cast, so to speak? 

There was a time in my life when I was governed by procrastination and fear. Those time-wasting devils haven't left my life completely (as evidenced by the video-fest I allowed myself last night when I could've been doing x number of more important things), but by the grace of God, they are far less prominent than they once were. I've learned that tomorrow is a nebulous, unpromised concept that may or may not a) happen or b) be available for things I ought to have done today. So now I to try to hit the ground running as soon as the final bell rings for school "vacations" and the like. I put that word in quotes because for years my definition of vacation was simply the absence of schedule and structure - in short, an excuse to fritter away time and God-given talent. 

There is certainly a need to turn off one's mind and leave off responsibilities occasionally. My problem was (and might be again, unless I take care), every bit of down time became the occasion. I'm reminded of a funny story my father once told. Upon voicing concern to his only living brother about his continuing to smoke despite serious health concerns, my uncle replied that he only smoked occasionally. Dad retorted that he smoked every time they were together, to which Uncle Irv quipped, "That's the occasion!"

My prayer continues to be that God would show me the schedule and priorities for each day, regardless of whether every moment is predetermined by outside forces, or if long stretches of time present themselves. I desire to not only begin projects He guides me to, but also to work diligently and steadfastly unto completion.

For more like this, check out: Reflections by Thea: To Whom Shall We Go?

Reflections by Thea: Awake!